I've spent a lot of time the last few months thinking about how I live for Jesus, do I reflect Christ in my everyday actions? I've been striving to make everyday count in my actions, the decisions I make, and how I respond to situations or even things not happening the way I thought they would. I have been studying through Paul's letter to the Philippians, for young adults, and over and over throughout that letter Paul talks about how to overcome anxiety, it is by living for Jesus, and even more so being satisfied in Him (Jesus), rejoicing in every circumstance, living with humility as He lived. I must confess this is something I struggle with on a daily basis, I mean I live for Jesus but do I really live for Him? The last few months I have come to realize that I get so wrapped up in what is going on around me, the situations I am in, the work that I do, my status amongst people, or even who I know or don't. I like feeling important (who doesn't).
Even more in last month or so, God has taken me really, really low, to a place that I do not think I have ever been, this is the place where God can really begin to work, I have nothing, I have nothing to give, I have nothing to offer, I do not bring anything of value to the table when it comes to my relationship with God. I have even had to look at the gifts that God has given me and say that they are not of my own doing, but rather God's. Everything I had worked for these last years was seemingly taken away. I've struggled with finding joy in something I have actually prayed for. You see I actually prayed for this, I prayed and others too for a door to open and for God to provide an opportunity for change. So you might ask why am I so down, anxious, unhappy? I have to be honest with myself and say I do not have a good answer, I asked for God to move and yet now that He has I am unhappy with how He has chosen to do it? I repent, that is a fact, God has answered my prayer in His timing and His way and I need to rejoice in the fact that His plans are better than mine. Frankly, speaking I need to be grateful that God moved us from a situation that was not the best for my faith.
If you have stuck with me and I hope that you have, there is a bright side. In being brought low, brought to a place where I am at the end of myself, I have come to the realization that I need God in every area, not just the areas I want to let Him in. This past year God has done an amazing work in my personal walk, my marriage, my parenting, even ministry's I am a part of. BUT there is still more, I am more emotional it seems like I'm crying everyday, today is was because I am so thankful for my wife, we have been through a lot together, she has stuck by me through so much, she sees me and loves me in spite of my faults, she is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. I really believe that God has taken me here for a number of reasons, the biggest reason is it is making me more like Him. I am supposed to live like Him, I am supposed to emulate Him, to live as He has called me to live, this is a process and it hurts to be stretched in this way, I've been stretched to my max and beyond and that is the best place for me to be. God is faithful to take care of us, to comfort us, to give us what we need to get through whatever we are going through. When I hear people talk about not having hope I can completely understand, especially becasue without Jesus we can only see what is in front of us. On the flip side here Jesus offers a hope that never changes, even when life really sucks. Check out some verses from the Bible; Philippians 4:11-13; Romans 8:1-2; James 5:7-11 You see Jesus offers us a hope that is beyond this world, so it doesn't matter what is going on in the world around us because He never changes.
If you want to know more, please reach out.
Nick
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